Conversations with Fred

Part 1

For those of you that do not know:
Fred is my step-father (the widower that married my widowed mother over 25 years ago).
Fred is dying. He has terminal cancer.
Fred is the godliest man I know.

We have talked about Fred before. The articles about him (and my mother) are all HERE.

As recently mentioned, it is a tough time. Fred has exhausted his treatment options. He has done chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, as well as a host of ‘alternative’ treatment options. He is done. There are no more options currently available. ‘Hospice’ has entered the picture. For those unfamiliar with ‘Hospice’ it means the end of Fred’s long fight is near. Hospice’s job is to give Fred the highest quality of life with the least amount of pain from now until he dies. They are not offering him any treatment alternatives, just making whatever time he has left, the best it can be.

That is hard for me. I dearly love Fred and I am selfish, I do not want to lose a friend, mentor, advisor and example. For over twenty-five years, Fred has been an inspiration and comfort to me. Even writing this is disconcerting because it puts in print an inevitable conclusion, Fred will be gone soon. Although the term ‘soon’ is ambiguous, as he told the family on Christmas Eve, this was his last Christmas.

Fred knows that he is dying. He knows that he has seen some of us for the last time in this life. Fred has given some his last sage advice. Do understand. As stated, Fred has been an advisor and mentor for years, but now what he has to say has taken on additional meaning. He is telling us the most important things that his 79+ years and his fight with cancer have taught him.

Again, a clarification, Fred is the godliest man I know. He loves God. Throughout these last few years, he has never asked one question. The question is, “Why me God?” He has not bothered. God answers THAT question in the last chapters of the Book of Job in the Bible, (starting in chapter 38 through the end of the book). Fred has trusted that everything that he has gone through has a reason.

That leaves us with an interesting conversation.

Fred has based his life, especially the last few years on Faith and Hope.

Jack Terry writes, “My grandson Jordon recently celebrated his fourth birthday. For many days preceding the joyful event, he anticipated with great excitement all of the presents he would receive from friends and family… Jordan was certain what was going to happen.

Although he did not visibly see the gifts before the party, he was confident that he was soon going to open lots of presents, just like he did at last year’s celebration. His faith was strong because his previous experience had been a very real one. He was sure of what he hope for and certain of what he did not see. This is a wonderful picture of the simple, childlike faith that God desires for all of us to have.” [*]

Fred and I like my mother’s definition of Faith: “A commitment to a conviction evidenced by conduct.” This definition is straightforward, concise, packed with meaning and true. Fred is convinced what he believes is truth. He is so convinced that his commitment shows his belief in his everyday conduct. He believes, strongly, and acts like it. I can not always say that my conduct shows what I say I believe, Fred can. [That is what makes him such a godly man].

Fred’s faith leads to his recent remark, “Everything that has happened to me has been for the good.”

[*] Jack Terry, A Cowboy’s Faith (Eugene, OR: Harvest House P, 2001) 7.